الاثنين، سبتمبر ٢٧، ٢٠١٠



I feel weighed down.

Yesterday infront of the court house in Alexandria, as #khalesSaid' s trial was taking place,   I caught myself telling him " We have failed you" and it hurt so much.
My heart was rock heavy.
We were standing there , less than 80 people, facing a crowd of paid bullies who were so obviously high on drugs, watching as they held the photo of an innocent young man who was beaten up to death by the police cheering for his murderers. They were spitting at the photo, laughing and giving us the finger and all I can come up with against that is the thought "We have failed Khaled Said"

I felt no anger. I felt sad, I just wanted to curl up on the side and cry.

The one thought I took with me to bed that night is " I don't want to bring a child to this country "

This country has nothing to offer us except constant grief.
You wake up in the morning to check the news thinking that what you read last week was the darkest thing you could ever hear about, nothing could top that!, just to read about something even more ugly and brutal.

I am out of bright paint brushes that magically color away the darkness.
I am coming to grasp more and more that there isn't really anything I can do. Egypt has no antidote. I just have to wait as it eats away my soul bit by bit. Struggle every now and then foolishly hoping I could beat it, till it completely defeats me.

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