|Photo by @Mo3atef|
I feel as if someone sucked all the energy out of me.
I have no magic tricks, nothing to lift away the heaviness. Just the trick of sleep. Endless hours of sleep willing time to pass, and when I wake up it takes me hours to convince myself to get out of bed, many times I just simply don't.
Remember our recent fight , I yelled at you saying " You know me better"
I was mad and really really tired of trying so hard not to fail you & everyone else, trying so hard to do what's "right" and despite my misdirected anger you replied " I don't, I didn't know my little sister could pull off such a successful campaign!" and instantly just like magic my anger was gone, I sat next to you and cried my heart out.
I need to cry my heart out to you now.
I need to talk to you about silly trivial things:
Love and how I am failing miserably at it,
My research and how passionless i feel about it these days.
The endless stories of grief I keep on hearing from families of detainees, missing & martyrs
and failing to do anything "real" about any of them.
Instead, I'll go sleep now and tomorrow I'll go to work.
I'll smile politely at everyone and ensure them you are fine.
I'll be all strong and capable, while deep down inside I know they've at last managed to make me feel ... defeat.