الخميس، ديسمبر 23، 2010

I was created with love!

When I was young, I had a theory about love. My theory was that the more pleasure and love a man and woman share during sex, the more beautiful the kids they will conceive.
My theory was based on solid evidence. People commented on how me, my brother, and my little sister were beautiful kids, and I knew for sure that my parents invested a great deal of love and pleasure while creating each one of us.

I love stories. I love attaching stories to small moments that may seem insignificant to others. So, I'll share with you my favorite one.The story of how I was conceived:

I was created with love.
I was born while my dad was in prison.
He was sentenced to spend 5 years in prison because he was part of  a communist group opposing Mobarak and his regime.
When the verdict came, my mother was not in Egypt. Their friends managed to hide him away and bring them together before he goes to prison.
Mama knew Baba will be away for years. They both wanted a baby girl and she thought that having a baby would soften the coming years with out him. So they hid away, took their time in creating me and in bidding each other farewell.
When they were certain my mother was pregnant in me, my dad went and turned himself in.
I had images of visits to my dad in prison. Blurred images stored in my head. It was strange because I was too young to remember. But when I sat with mama and described the images and she confirmed them. Then she started telling me how it was.
Alot of her friends shielded their children from this. They thought that exposing their kids to seeing their dads in prison is a harsh experience that they should try to avoid as much as possible.
Mama thought differently. She thought this should be a day to celebrate. She turned it into Eid day. She would dress me up in a nice dress, arrange my hair in my favorite updo (i used to call it the palm-tree style :) , and we go visit Baba in our most colorful bubble.

I remember that one of the guys working there used to prepare a box full of sweets and biscuits for me to take every time i visit. I also remember a small black board and me drawing cats with chalk. Back then I didn't know how to draw anything but cats.
When Baba got out of prison, he came back with a treasure of stories. My dad could do magic with simple words. He could change the bleakest moments to colorful wondrous stories.
My favorite bed time and travel stories where of his time in prison.
It took me years to realize that this place which was the source of an amazing fountain of childhood stories, was a place where my dad was severely tortured.
It was silly because I was old and I knew many stories of activiist friends who were tortured, but the childish part in me refused to allow it to sink in till my first year in university when there was no way I could escape the truth coz I had it right in my hands, ink on paper.
Those are the people who raised me up.
This is the kind of love I grew up around.
This is the kind of love I've been seeking ever since I could remember.

When I was seven, I walked into my parents room unannounced. I saw him kissing her stomach tenderly. I squeaked an apology, ran to my bed and hid under my covers. Mama followed me, and with a smile asked me what I wanted. I told her I just wanted to make sure she remembers i have an exam tomorrow. ( hehe I was such a nerd!)
Years later this image returned and assumed a new meaning for me. Suddenly this memory wasn't about a moment of embarrassment but rather of discovery. I knew then that there was more to love than what I am grasping. I also knew that for always this image will be my definition of love.
Now every time my soul gets bruised and I lose bits of my wings I remind myself that love - like what mama and baba share - is waiting for me around some corner in my future.
What keeps me going despite the pain and disappointment is the belief that at some point in my life I will meet someone and in my mind see him kissing my stomach tenderly for the rest of my life.

هناك 16 تعليقًا:

hala يقول...

جميلة للغاية برغم أني سمعتها مسبقا، الحب مذهل و يحملنا إلى الأمام بالرغم من كل شيء، استمتعت كثيرا بتدوينتك منى

almodawana يقول...

i love you in english

WS يقول...

جميل اوى البوست ده
عندهم حق بابا و ماما يفخروا بيكى
لما قرأت البوست ده
خلانى اراجع نفسى مع البوست ده و لا انظر له باشمئزاز
هل معنى ده ان بابايه و مامتى ما كانوش بيحبوا بعض؟

Menna Tarek يقول...

I recently came across your blog
It is such an interesting one
I love it

cocorosa يقول...

This is really beautiful
I wish you all the luck today and hope your father is save and well, Im sure Love will save your beautiful country xoxo

غير معرف يقول...

C'est beau ! merci de l'avoir partagé

olivebranch يقول...

your words are beautiful and they bring goosebumps to my skin

Περιπετών يقول...

I do not know you but I am sure you are a wonderful human being and this revolution with humans like you cannot be beaten. You are part of what the whole planet is admiring today, and this text show us why.
Thank you for the inspiration. You and your peers have woken up a hundred million consciousnesses

lonshonyock1 يقول...

This is so very beautiful and u r so right in ur perception of this wonderful and tender love. Bless you child and some day InshAllah you will find that same tenderness in ur life
Khadijah aka @lonshonyock1

Bridget Hanna يقول...

To most of the world, the Egyptian Revolution came from nowhere -- but here, we see it growing in you, as something beautiful, fierce, and inevitable. My thoughts are with you. May you and your family prevail, bring Egypt with you to freedom.

غير معرف يقول...

ITS NOT ABOUT SEIZING POWER ITS ABOUT KNOWING WHAT TO DO AFTER ... ...http://theanarchistlibrary.org/HTML/Mohamed_Jean_Veneuse__Anarca-Islam.html
The author is of egyptian descent not that 'that' should make a difference.ADIEU-SALAM-PEACE

Anne يقول...

The way you make love
is the way God will be with you.

Thank you for this beautiful blog. Thank you for the revolution that inspired a world.

Lori يقول...

This is the most beautiful piece of writing about love I've read in a long time.It's a perspective about love that I honestly don't have.So to find love at pain,is an act of freedom.my best regards!

BOMBOVA يقول...

"All , i know" is that the clarity of your voice, expressing a dire concern, carries all around the World.

If, that ability, was learned at your
Fathers knee, then his pain by your
alarm, has re-birthed leadership
the bredth of Egypt.

You have come into your own now,
with this baptism of Fire.

respect and admiration,
Thomas Gx. in Vancouver CA

fateimaD يقول...

الابنه مني انت لاتعرفينني ولكني عرفتك ورأيتك في التلفزيون ورايت كتابتك والتي تتميز بالصدق المفتقد في كثير من الكتاب الكبار انتي متميزه بصدقك بعطائك بعطفك بتعاطفك مع المقهورين والمظلومين متميزه بميراث الحب الجميل من جدتك من ابيك وامك من ذاتك بكل عطاءات الله لك بكل ماحباك من ثقه حتي هذه الثقه المفتقده لدي كثير من الابناء بسبب (انت سبب النكايب اللي في الدنيا انت اللي صبرتوني علي العيشه ال ) تخيلي انك تعلمين جيدا انك اختيار امك وابيك ليجتازوا مرحله صعبه في حياتهم اي هديه ربانيه اهديت لامك وابيك الان فهمت سر هذا العطاء المتدفق والحياه النابضه بالحب المحترمه لكافه البشر تحياتي لجلال لحظه العطاء المتبادل تحياتي لنتاج اللحظه وحمدا لله وفضلا ومنه

Yasmine يقول...

Hi Mona pls don't get surprised I am commenting on this post now this might be 3rd or 2nd visit to your blog and this time I decided to know more about u and ur family the family me and my family truly love respect and admired am not that type who follow celebrities and write comments on posts it s just und ur family all of them being a single mum with 2 girls and raising them abroad too wish that they ll be one day like u nd sanna so brave yet so sweet my mum is almost 57 she was praying all the time for Alaa and when she saw him on new year eve my and my bro who lives here with me envied her a lot for spending such a wonderful night. Loved this post cuz I got to know more about u love every single detail in it sighhhh love can do wonders and definatly beautiful kids like all of . Bless u all love u all so proud of u all